Storms

Well, it's a quiet night here at my house. This week has been full of self reflection and headaches. I, for the first time in my life, feel thankful for the storm that I'm weathering right now. Usually when I have a difficult time, I get annoyed and then realize the reason I went through the problem in the first place...I learned a lesson. This is a time in life when I am learning a ton about myself...I'm thankful for that! I'm learning about my family...I'm thankful for that! I'm learning that God doesn't orchestrate everything in my life, but he holds it all in His hands. He will take a crummy situation and make it into a a distant memory. He is bigger than all of the ridiculous things that I worry about and I'm learning that I am being rewarded for living my life the way I do, even though it may not seem like it at certain points. I've always said that "man will always fail you, but God never will." I think I should get that tattooed on my forehead. I rely on man too much. I rely on self assurance instead of assurance from the one who already knows how everything is going to play out. I need to strengthen my faith and try to see others the way that God sees them.

A Change.

Something has changed in me.

This will be my 25th Easter. I've gotten too many Easter baskets to count, between my parents and grandparents. I've had beautiful Easter dresses, frilly socks, and silly hats. And, I've been an Follower of Christ for 4 of those Easters. This year, however, something is different. There has been a change in my soul! I know I can't even fathom the brutality that Christ experienced on the day he was crucified, but for some reason, I feel like I get it this year. His sacrifice wasn't tithing until it hurts, volunteering time and being away from his family, or getting up early to go to church on Sunday. It was His life. People, some of us don't even like to say His name in a crowd because we're afraid who will hear it and think we're weird or that there will be a stigma attached to us. Who cares, I ask you???!? God gave his perfect son to die for the sin of all man, which are many. He sacrificed Him for our lives, before we were even born. Jesus knew what was going to happen to him and willingly went through it for us!! That blows my mind!

I look at my children. I would sacrifice my life for them in a second. (First I would try to talk whoever was taking my life out of doing it, because that's human nature.) Jesus didn't do that. He said, "Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34) If you think about your day to day life, how many times to do say, "Lord, forgive them for flipping me off on the interstate," or " Lord, bless that person that just cussed me out." It's extremely hard to love your enemies, or in this life, the person who followed too closely on your way home.

This week at my small group, we discussed what Jesus' sacrifice meant to us. I find that I have a hard time putting that into words. In previous years during Holy Week, I think more about Christ dying for me, I pray a little more, maybe. This week, I have talked about it out loud, I have spent time praying and thanking God for sending his son for my sinful, horrible self. I also read numerous scriptures last night (my nightly routine) including the crucifixion. What they did to Him was more painful than most people will ever have to experience in this life time. He did it with a pure heart, and with no second thoughts. I'm so thankful for his blood shed for me and the only way I can thank Him is by the way I live my life. I still suck at life, but I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was 4 years ago. He has continued to bless me when I truly didn't deserve it. My prayer is that I can trust in Him more (especially when I don't get my way) and love people like He did. I have a hard time with that one.

I guess this is my explanation of what this week means to me. It's all over the place, but it's my truth. I'm so incredibly overwhelmed by how much He loves me. ME!! Thankful doesn't even begin to say how I feel.

Inspired.

The Hubble Space Telescope captured this photo of the "X" Structure in the core of the Whirlpool Galaxy. You might wonder why this picture alone inspired me to start a blog. Clearly the image resembles a cross and is but another Signature of Divine! As each day passes, I see God's grace and mercy before me and wish that I could communicate it to others on a daily basis. Tonight I went to church and we watched a video that blew me away. At the end it showd a series of amazing photos, the above being the last one. Every believer knows God is BIG. He's bigger than big. It's easy to say you can appreciate the grand scale of this life until you delve into the creation that is around us. I like to walk outside and just appreciate the gust of wind that makes the leaves on the huge trees outside my house rustle. I feel close to God when I look up into the beautiful blue and know that I am only seeing a small fraction of His enormous conception. The video made me realize how small our planet is overall. We are but a speck on a speck in a little section of bigger section of the most indescribable formation known. We may be small, but God is not! . I am so thankful that I serve and love a God who still sees me, knows everything about me, and hears me even though He holds this immeasurable system in His hand! Truly amazing!

Heavenly Father, I pray that You will continue to let Your mercy flow down on me and that You will use me for Your Glory. I pray that You will keep us mindful of Your constant presence. May my life be as clay in Your gracious hands!